Hello, my friends. It’s been a while, etc., etc. So much has changed, etc., etc. Here’s what you’ve missed, etc., etc. But enough about me, how are you? etc., etc.
Right, thank goodness all of that’s out of the way. You may have noticed I’m in a new space, virtually. Yes. I finally made the move from Blogger to WordPress, and from Almost Amazing Grace to, simply, Almost Amazing. Well, actually the ‘umbrella’, as it were, is Almost Amazing. I’m still Grace. The almost amazing one. Are we clear on that? Cool.
Little note there – Grammarly just attempted to correct that last ‘almost’ and make it ‘most’. What a nice ego boost.
Wowee, this WordPress world is a bloody nightmare, isn’t it? Everything feels like such a faff here. There are too many buttons and pop-ups and plugins (that ALWAYS seem to need updating). Grammarly is not getting off my back about hyphens and semi-colons, WordPress themselves seem to be hardcore block pushers, and as for fonts… no, I can’t go into that. I’ll end up screeching at my keyboard.
If anyone is fluent in WordPress and fancies helping me make this mess a little more homely and a bit more efficient, that would be magical. I have big plans for my corner of the internet this year. Big plans. Watch out. Wait, that sounds threatening… I just mean, cool things are hopefully about to happen, and I want you to be around to see and indulge in them with me.
Okay, what else is occurring, other than my new, jumbled format and mild terror at what’s to come? Let’s see. I’m trying to write a book, and not to jinx anything here, but it’s going alright…? It’s a novel, and I’ve had the idea occupying a very large space in my brain for the past two years or so (space my brain really cannot afford to rent out, am I right, folks? badum-bum-tssshh, waheyyyy), which I reckon means it’s not going away and needs to come out and onto a page. Or three hundred. I’m also writing this from my perch on a very boujie dark teal velvet Swoon chair, which was an absolute FIND on Facebook Marketplace. I swear, that bizarre space is the only reason I still have Facey B. That, and the local groups I’m a part of – the group a friend runs for the town I currently live in is always helpful when I need a hairdresser recommendation or takeaway inspo; the group set up for my tiny hometown is an absolute garbage pit but I can’t bear to leave it because in amongst all the small-mindedness and microscopic quibbles about petrol prices and the everyday inconvenience of beautiful wildlife is some hilarity now and again; I also joined the Winchester community page a while back when I was visiting for a few days and am now so emotionally attached to it, it’s borderline worrying (someone posted in there the other day about an epitaph on a headstone in the local graveyard that they always liked before they moved away, and asked if anyone could give them the name of the poem that was referenced on it! PRECIOUS).
Anyway, the reason I got this chair (hey, thanks for bearing with me on that tangent) second-hand, is because I’ve moved! Again! Yep, it would seem that I can’t get enough of those brown boxes and paper tape. That, and the endless anxiety that surrounds searching for somewhere to live, applying for it knowing full well the landlord is taking a risk if they pick you because your income isn’t particularly structured, shall we say, and the packing process. I’m hopefully done for now, though. I’m in this place for at least a year, and I’m so excited and delighted about that. Because this place is my dream, and the universe made it happen for me. I’ll tell the story in a post someday soon, I think, but for now I’m just going to bask and revel in the magic by myself – because I am still living alone, by some miracle. I can just about afford to. If I’m careful and clever about it.
Okay, what else? I am completely off hormonal contraception, I’m still obsessed with my plants, bourbon biscuits will always have my heart although I am currently enjoying a flirtation with Party Rings, I’m less active these days but will be trying to go on more lovely walks this year, I’ve got really into herbal teas in my new lots-of-liquids lifestyle – oh, which I am now living, because in October last year I found myself in hospital yet again with a bowel obstruction. Ha, I buried that lead didn’t I? It’s funny, I was writing a blog post back then, as my guts were filling up with all sorts of stuff, about how badly I wanted to run away from here and start a new life in the seaside city I’ve always dreamed of living in, and it’s almost like my body decided to kick off and make me pause before I did something silly. Because I have to face my problems, not flee from them. I needed reminding of that. But that reminder also came with the painful confirmation once again that whatever I do and wherever I plan to go, something can always crop up and stop me in my tracks. This has happened so many times to me that it’s now affected my mind drastically – I’ve talked about it so many times in therapy, my fear of trying anything new or committing to anything big like a new job or a trip away, because what if? What if sh*t hits the fan (almost literally), and once again I find myself on a ward, in a very blue bed, with a tube down my throat or staples in my head, a bag to my left containing my stomach contents and a plastic box to my right filling up with my pee? Wait, when did they put a catheter in? How embarrassing.
What if, what if, what if.
I’ll get over it one day. I will. Because I have to. If I want to live properly, and without fear. No envy, no fear. That’s my goal. Other goals include: being happy, following my true passions, receiving as much love as I am capable of giving, and maybe even finding some financial stability. Wow, can you imagine? Okay, that last one may have been a bit unrealistic.
Hope to speak to you all soon. I promise there won’t be another unexpected hiatus. It’s all uphill from here.